You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
His nipple licking is glorious
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