barbara walters just said penis...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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