Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
