people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
