I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he laminated a picture of his dick.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
did i just pee glitter
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
