Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
