Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
