They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
