So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
