Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
