Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
