i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
