...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
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I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize