my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
