Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
