he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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