Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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