Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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