Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
