Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
