Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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