i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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