Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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