he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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