Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
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No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
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Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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