Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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