btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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