Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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