we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
