TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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