Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
