She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
