I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
PS: I just woke up from my shower
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
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Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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