This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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