i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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