I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
