Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
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