yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
