i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You can't just leave with hair like that
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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