Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
