he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
