How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
