I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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