i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
