I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
