I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
