Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
