He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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