I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
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