Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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