he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
