i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.