after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
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She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
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pray to the hookup gods
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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