Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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