Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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