I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
