help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
