i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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