laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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