All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
