So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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