I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
