I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
