You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
