His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
