so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Life is so much better after having sex.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
