i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
