At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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