I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
