I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
